I just have the urge to write for some reason. There's so many things unsaid or feelings and .... I don't even ect. For example why does it feel like I'm slowly dying ? I know why, its because of its inevatability which makes it seem so apocalyptic . I love this girl so much but yet she can't find a way to stay here with me. I understand that she can't but I just wish and prey there would be a way .....  Feeling condemed to live here in the mist of all the shared memories is just too much to bare with. To suffer everyday , missing every moment of each second, reminiscing of a time our lives were intertwined together here.  

               "Please stay... don't go... stay" was all I said to her. Repeating it over and over , if somehow the repetition will add to its value and meaning. But all she could say was "...sorry.." . Sorry!, I hate that word sometimes... Its the nicest way to say "no". "God please ... make her stay...." was all I could think of in my silence . Hoping somehow he would hear me and say "Well, alright just this once". I just don't want her to leave .. she makes me feel whole. If she leaves I'm just going to be...be barly anything.

              The depression is slowly sinking in and still hope dwells inside me. Maybe its just to tease me because the fact is, she IS leaving no matter what. Stupid hope, thinking it has a chance and stupid me for having hope.... With every "Please, don't go..." it starts to fade away more and more. Become aware and concious of what is really going to happen. She's leaving ... She's really going to go to the other end of the US. But why.. why leave? Why leave someone she loves behind ... why not fight it ? why ... why?

           She says its her life long dream to live in the westcoast. I don't want to get in the way of her dream but I am. If she succeeds I'll have to end my dream. Spending everyday with someone special. Being with someone so wonderful and able to share alot of expriences with...being In Love. I don't know... Whatever ... Love is making the other person happy right? As long as she's happy..right? I love you Baby ... please be happy... I'm sorry I make you sad sometimes because of my selfishness.

           Still I cant take it though.. my rambling is becoming senseless. Looping everything over and over. Please don't go... I love you.. Please stay with me here. Still , hope remaines for another 9 days.